Getting Past No

In Getting Past No, William Ury presents a practical method for negotiating with difficult people and breaking through resistance without triggering conflict. A follow-up to the bestselling Getting to Yes, which Ury co-authored with Roger Fisher, this 1991 book shifts focus from cooperative bargaining to situations where the other side is hostile, stubborn, or unwilling to engage. Ury, an anthropologist and co-founder of Harvard's Program on Negotiation, frames the challenge as "breaking through" rather than simply "getting to yes." The book's core framework is the "Five-Step Method" for turning confrontation into joint problem-solving. Ury names each step with a memorable phrase: Go to the Balcony, which means stepping back psychologically to avoid reacting emotionally; Step to Their Side, which involves listening, acknowledging, and agreeing where possible to defuse hostility; Don't Reject, Reframe, which redirects the attack toward the problem itself; Build Them a Golden Bridge, which makes it easy for the other party to say yes by addressing their interests and saving face; and Use Power to Educate, which brings in consequences only as a last resort, framed as learning rather than threats. Throughout, Ury uses the metaphor of negotiation as a mental game requiring self-control, and introduces concepts like the "BATNA" (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and "reactive devaluation" to explain why people resist proposals. Drawing on examples from diplomacy, business, and everyday life, he argues that the hardest negotiator to overcome is often oneself. The book remains a standard text in conflict resolution and communication training.