Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Steve Harvey’s “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” published in 2009, grew out of a segment on his syndicated radio show called “Ask Steve,” where women phoned in questions about men’s behavior. The comedian turned relationship adviser built the book around a central claim: men are largely driven by three needs—support, loyalty, and what Harvey calls “the cookie,” his euphemism for sex—and women who understand this framework can negotiate relationships more effectively. Harvey introduces the concept of the “ninety-day rule,” advising women to delay sex for about three months to assess a man’s intentions, and distinguishes among types of men such as “mama’s boys,” “sports fans,” and “mama’s boys who play sports.” He also outlines the “three P’s” that define a man’s self-image—profession, property, and prospects—and argues that a man who is not ready to “claim” a woman publicly is not serious about her. Chapters cover recognizing when a man is using you, understanding why men cheat, the difference between a man’s public and private behavior, and how to identify a man’s “standards” versus his “preferences.” Harvey draws on his own marriage, his conversations with male friends, and the questions women sent to his radio program, though he offers no formal research or clinical data. Later sections address dating after divorce, the role of a man’s mother, and how women can communicate expectations without nagging. A companion book, “Straight Talk, No Chaser,” followed in 2010.