He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You began as a single episode of Sex and the City, where a guest character coined the blunt phrase to explain a date's behavior. Comedy writer Greg Behrendt, then a consultant on the show, expanded that line into a 2004 book with co-author Liz Tuccillo, a former Sex and the City story editor. The book's core argument is that women routinely invent excuses for men who are uninterested, when the simplest explanation is usually correct. If he wants to see you, he will make it happen; if he doesn't call, he doesn't want to call. Behrendt draws on his own dating history and experiences as a single man to dismantle common rationalizations. The book is organized around these rationalizations as chapter titles or topics: he's not calling because he lost your number, he's intimidated by you, he's too busy with work, he's afraid of intimacy, he's just gotten out of a relationship, or he's only treating you badly because he's scared. Each scenario gets a chapter-length refutation, usually followed by a "He's just not that into you" declaration and a section addressing why the reader might be clinging to the excuse. Tuccillo provides a woman's perspective, while Behrendt supplies the supposed inside male view. The tone is conversational, funny, and deliberately tough-love. The book sold millions of copies and spun off a 2009 film adaptation loosely based on its premise.